Writing is a bit like skinning a cat – there’s lots of ways to do it, just be sure to have a sharp tools and lots of plastic.

Okay, now that I’ve managed to garner all that previous PETA protest traffic, let’s be clear – writing is a personal thing. No matter how generalized a method, each writer will have their own quirks and unique “tricks” that will make that method their own. There are hundreds of books on the subject and a Google search on “writing methods” turns up just over a quarter billion returns. Lots of people have an opinion on this subject, most writers have some sort of a dog in the fight, and no one is completely right unless they’re talking about their own method as it pertains to their own results.

Now, what makes this interesting for me is that I’ve bounced in between lots of different methods for writing short form (poetry and very short stories), but have yet to find anything that would work for longer pieces (novels). If you want to get all analytical and accuse me of doing what’s easiest, go ahead – I’m guilty as charged. Part of the reason I love writing poetry (and love poetry in general) is that it’s a short burst of inspiration, an intense incubation of an idea, and the equivalent of a written sprint.

However, I do believe that everyone has at least one book in them – whether it’s good or bad. So I’m interested in how authors go about their work when it comes to writing a novel. This article delves into a rather basic overview of using an outline method, which I’d think is the most common way lots of novelists approach their work. It’s logical, provides a road map, and breaks the task up into bite-sized morsels that follows the old saying “How do you eat an elephant? … One bite at a time.”

The only problem I have with this tried-and-true-Mr.-Spock-logical-sensible-as-a-brown-pair-of-shoes is that does absolutely nothing for me emotionally. Maybe that’s the worst excuse you can possibly imagine when talking about writing a novel, but keep in mind that writing isn’t about money for me. Maybe that automatically puts me outside the target audience for most of these “How To Write A Novel” articles because they’re focused on getting from A to B logically at a brisk pace so the piece can be published and begat some kind of return for the author. A reasonable – and noble – enough goal, but not really my cup of tea.

For me, the Tom Robbins method is much more interesting, if somewhat less sensible and profitable. Go ahead and give that sucker a read and tell me whether or not his method of composing a novel doesn’t warm you heart while also scaring the living hell out of you at the same time. It’s completely insane to write that way – sentence by sentence with no outline or idea of how it ends until the story itself dictates when it’s over. It’d be like building the Empire State Building without blueprints – you’re pretty sure it’ll be a skyscraper, but no idea how many floors or even where the bathrooms go. However, it’s also whimsical and dammit if I’m not a sucker for some good old fashioned whimsy every now and again.

So, I guess the point here is that you can keep all your logical methods and I’ll go ahead and polish my sentences one at a time and see what happens. Guess the world doesn’t need another Stephen King or Tom Clancy anyways, right?